Teej or Haretalika: The Festival of Women

By Siddhi B. Ranjitkar

We Hindu women of Nepal celebrate Teej wishing for long lives of our much-loved husbands and for the happy and harmonious marital life. For us married women, it is the great opportunity of celebrating the women-only festival; so, we make it mandatory to all married women. We leave it optional to unmarried women, teenagers and girls. However, they also celebrate this unique festival wishing for having a husband of their choice. Our supreme Hindu God called Shiva is the wish-fulfilling God; so, we try to please him to meet our wishes doing everything possible, as He met the wish of Parbati. On this day, we do not do anything except for singing, dancing, fasting and going to the shrines to Lord Shiva elsewhere in Nepal. We have a tradition of venting our anger on our mothers-in-law through the songs we sing on this day.

For us Hindu women, a life without a husband is meaningless. So, we rank our husband equal to Lord Vishnu. Our social status becomes non-existence when we lose a husband. So, we chose our husband very carefully at the time of marriage, as the marriage pact is a life-long one. Once, we are married we do everything possible for the long life of our husband. Teej is one of such religious festivals we celebrate to make our husband long living.

We married women usually go to our parents to celebrate Teej. Those staying at home do not do household chores on this day. We walk miles and miles to reach our parents, as Nepal is a hilly country; roads and public transport are not widely available in the hill and mountain areas even at the beginning of the 21st century.

Male members of the family mostly fathers and brothers cook festive foods such as meat, vegetables, sweets and so on in the hills and mountains where we have to do everything for us. Certainly, women living in urban areas are lucky as they could buy everything of their choice for food, drink and so on.

As we need to fast even not drinking water the whole day on the day of Teej for pleasing Lord Shiva we eat as much as possible on the eve of this festival. We call it ‘dar-khane.’ We sit for eating in the evening and then start entertaining ourselves playing cards, singing, dancing and by other means available to us, in between we continue eating until the first crow of a rooster or the daybreak. We consider the end of the day only after we could see the marks of bricks on the pavement in the morning natural light.

Our forefathers and mothers have set the tradition of sending ‘dar-bhag’ to mothers-in-law of their daughters on the eve of Teej. They did so possibly for avoiding inconvenience to mothers-in-law in absence of daughters-in-law, as the daughters-in-law usually leave home for their parents. For whatever reason, this tradition has been set we continue to follow it. Such ‘dar-bhag’ comprises foodstuff such as cooked meat and vegetables, sweets and fruits for a feast, one set of wearing such as a blouse, a petticoat, a sari and a sandal, one set of jewelry such as a ‘pote’ (necklace of glass beads), golden ‘tilhari’ (something like a pendant that hangs from ‘pote’), and teeka (round red item made of cloth, size about 1/10 of an inch), puja (offering) items such as 360 grains of rice husked manually and of ‘dati-wan’ made of ‘dati-wan plant cut into 2-3 inches long for brushing teeth, cotton wicks, barely grains, sesame seeds and flowers.

After the whole night merrymaking and eating, early in the morning of the Teej festival, we go to the nearest water sources such as water well, waterspout, stream or river, and there we wash our body or take a dip in water. Some of us: lucky ones living in urban areas having a modern bathroom facility take shower. Then, we put on the best dress available usually of the crimson color: the color of luck for us Hindu women, and then wear wedding jewelry almost looking like a bride.
We in a group of friends, relatives and neighbors go to visit the nearest shrine to Lord Shiva. On the way to the shrine, we dance and sing. Some of us express the grievances they face, and the unkindness of their mothers-in-law. This gives us some mental relief.

As elsewhere in Nepal, in Kathmandu, too, you see thousands of women lining up in several lines on the sun of August, sometimes under the rain at the entrance to the shrine to Lord Shiva at Bagmati, Sankhamul and Kalmochahan. All of us dressed in crimson color give a unique scene when we lined up for entering into the inner sanctum of the lord’s shrine. We hope that by doing so Lord Shiva will be pleased and He will meet our wishes.

After visiting the shrine to Lord Shiva, on the way back home, some of us dance and sing believing that they would accumulate merits, and even become angels in their next incarnations. Some of us are so strong they continue to dance for a long time; however, some of us are so weak they might faint in the hot sun of August even while lining up for visiting Lord Shiva.

After the wonderful day of fasting, dancing, singing and worshipping, we return home. We take purification wash again; this is third such wash after the early morning wash and the wash before worshipping Lord Shiva on the Teej day. We continue our fasting. Some of us keep awake the whole night chanting religious hymns; others simply take rest and sleep with an empty stomach.

Next day, early in the morning, again we take a wash and worship Lord Shiva. We take food item, fruits and flowers as offerings to Lord Shiva and get these items blessed from the lord. We call these items ‘prasad’ or blessed items and offer such items to our husband. Thereafter, we break our fast and take rest for the remaining day.

Recently, we the women of the 21st century have started a new tradition of celebrating Teej a week earlier than used to. Instead of one-day celebration of ‘dar-khane’ we have started doing it a week before Teej. We celebrate ‘dar-khane’ at one friend or relative or another in turn for a week. Thus, this celebration has been a weeklong Teej celebration.

About the origin of Teej, a legend has it that a Himalayan king had a daughter called Parbati. When she came of age, a devotee of Lord Vishnu called Narad came to the parents of Parbati and asked her hands for Lord Vishnu. In view of the Lord Vishnu’s standing, the parents did not take long time to accept the proposal of Narad for the marriage of Parbati with Lord Vishnu. However, Parbati had already dedicated her mind and body to Lord Shiva. So, she was very upset, as she would be married to Lord Vishnu against her will.

In her previous incarnation Parbati was a Sati-devi: the youngest and most beautiful daughter of Dachhe-prajapati and married to Lord Shiva by playing a trick on Dachhe-prajapati as mentioned in the story called Swosthani. She took her life jumping into the fire made for worship not being able to tolerate the insults hurled by her father at her husband Lord Shiva.

Her friends were extremely sorry for her seeing in such a bad mood but could not do much for remedying it, as Parbati refused to open her mind. After some time, one of her friends persuaded Parbati into sharing her reasons for being so upset with the friends.

Then, her friends took Parbati to a solitary place and let her meditate on having Lord Shiva for her spouse. Parbati meditate days and nights fasting, praying and worshipping Lord Shiva.

Ultimately, pleased with her devotion and dedication, Lord Shiva appeared in front of her and told her that He would grant her anything she had in her mind. Parbati took the advantage of Lord Shiva’s benevolence, and asked the lord for marrying her. Thus, Parbati achieved her goal on the third day of the dark fortnight in the month called Bhadra (August-September) in the Vikram calendar. So, we celebrate Teej festival on this day. We believe that the tradition has been set since then. We also called this festival by another name Haretalika, as friends of Parbati literally kidnapped her and make her meditate on having Lord Shiva a spouse. Haretalika is probably derived from the word ‘heret’ means kidnapping.

This year’s Teej is on September 02.